tick, tick...BOOM!

No, it's not about a movie where Andrew Garfield played the role as Jonathan Larson which we should all agree that he did an impressive acting and singing in this movie. 

Tick, tick...boom is exactly the sounds of my life now. 

Tick, tick...boom, can you hear that? It keeps ringing in my head every time I see my parent as they are getting older, thinner, and even smaller. I never realized that the older you get, the smaller you get too. I was only about 2-3 cm taller than my mum but now, it feels like I'm towering over her. At first I was happy about this since I feel like I grow some inches. Apparently that's not true. Instead it's my mum's body that grows shrink in. And it isn't because I've been eating clean and healthy. Instead, it's the cancerous cells that grow wild and even wilder inside the body of my dad. Everything sounds tick, tick...boom. 

To live a mindful life, you have to stay present. Here, now. Evidently, controlling my mind not to wonder to the unforeseeable future is a very demanding task. While I try to stay put, looking around what surrounds me and make the most out of it, the sounds of tick,tick...boom never gets away. If I could tell you, it is excruciating. Yes, it stops me to make a big leap. No, I won't regret it though. I never want to trade this time with anything else. 

Yoda said train yourself to let go of everything you fear to lose. 

This one is different. I won't be me anymore if I let go. I can't even bear a thought of letting go. This will take everything in me, every scattered pieces I will have left. 

Tick, tick...boom. I also believe, this is the sound that might surprise me not only in a bad tone but also in a very surprising and enchanting way. It is the sound when the blocked road is blasted with some touch of magic and I'm finally able to pave the way through it. This, I believe, would be the day where my biggest smile never be washed away from my face. 

To some extend, I know people also have this tick,tick...boom sound in their heads. Some are able to control it and to set it on mute. Some are able to live along together with it, and proceed with their lives. Some are just like me. I do not see this in a desperate and stuck way of living. I just want this tick,tick...boom just staying put inside my head so that excruciating boom never ever actually happen in my real life. Would that be too much to ask?