Blocked

Today is 23rd May, 2025. Morning 10.10 AM as I write this. 

The weather is neither cold nor warm, but it is more gloomy than it is supposed to be at ten in the morning. I have opened this draft before last week and found myself have nothing to write at all. It was so surprising for me because I just stared at this white online page and got nothing in my brain to write after staring at it for more than like 15 minutes. 

Today I open it again. I am pushing myself and obviously my brain to start working like it should. Honestly speaking, I still do not know what to write so maybe until this point you will not get 'the point' of my writing. I do not know how to feel. Inside my brain now it is just hunger, urge to finish my work, and disappointment. 

Hunger probably because last night I ate a lot because it was the first fasting day for me after Ramadan. I enjoyed my mum's food a lot but lately I have been craving something sweet. Either cake, or some kind of milk tea. The problem is with tea (or coffee), my stomach acids keeps recurring so I do not have any choice but to avoid that. But I do not really like any other type of sweet drinks. So anyway, that is why I just ate the big meal but no snacks or sweet even though I am craving it. 

I do really want to finish my endless work tasks. I have a bunch of ideas how to manage my task and how to finish them one by one. Yet everything is on me, so it feels so burdensome to be honest. Sometimes I get demotivated halfway through it because I am well aware that these tasks are never ending. Luckily, I already get some motivation to tackle this issue slowly, so I am in a better mood to just do it pieces by pieces. 

Last night was not the first night that I feel neither disappointed nor nothing. I actually do not have any feelings at all for last night to be fair. However, in this morning when I recollect my memories again of what happened last night and the other nights, I feel like 'I should be disappointed' but it is all okay. People will change their ways if they want to. I just act accordingly. I really hope that I can avoid disappointing other people especially someone I truly care about just because I feel disappointed at certain times towards them. 

Wow, I managed to write 4 long paragraphs. I am beyond happy about it. 

I guess that is it. The writing now is my journal log. Anyway, have a Good Friday!