Don't blame the food

"Makan yang banyak (Eat much)", is a friendly phrase which is always uttered by my mum in every situations we're dealing with. Ironically, I'd go blame myself for obediently following those words later. That later is the moment when I saw the number blinking repeatedly when I weigh myself in.

Born to many ethnics that are running in my blood, I'd preferably said Minang culture is the dominant one. The origin of Minang, West Sumatera province, is well-known to their coconut milk and spicy foods. Once someone said "I'm Padangnese (Minang)", he/she will probably familiar with answers such as "Suka pedas dong (Must like spicy food)" or "Pasti makan rendang mulu ya di rumah (You must eat Rendang often at home)". In my case, it's not often but I eat rendang, world's most delicious food, many times-- to be fair, a lot. 

Inherited by my lovely grandmother who was an excellent cook, I already started eating balado (spicy food) since I was an elementary school student. She'd fed my sisters and I with her bare hands while mixing the rice, grinded chili and main dishes into one beautiful tasty combination. Instead of eating one portion, we would ask one more portion or twice, or even more. The special talent from my indigenous Minang grandmother goes straight to my mother. Mum's cooking is slightly different and simplified from grandmother's, but it is as tasty as hers. Amazingly, even mum's scrambled eggs can beat the most tasty dishes in a fancy restaurant (No, I'm not overreacting).

Living prosperously with rich of seasoning food (typical Minang food), it doesn't mean that I am a culinary person, a big eater and a yes person to every type of dishes. As a matter of fact, I'm a picky eater-- a bit in some circumstances. I prefer to eat homemade cooking instead of ordering in restaurant.  There are also times, I don't feel like eating at all no matter how delicious the foods on dinner table. Nevertheless, it doesn't change the meaning of food in my entire life. 

Food is always giving comfort. 

Whenever I got sick, I remember my mum's words to eat, so I eat to make me feel better. It stays beside me when I had to pull an all nighter due to inevitable deadlines. It lets me connect and enjoy more time with my friends. It helps me to get to my true identity and culture. It gets me excited and paranoia whenever I have to taste its strange and new taste. It gives me strength and energy (biologically), and source of comfort. 

So why do I blame the food whenever I gain extra weight? 

I don't know. It shouldn't be blamed logically. 

Why do I blame the food whenever I sneak out to the kitchen and eat some leftover food in the middle of the night?

I don't know. I accused it's tempting me.

Why do I blame the food whenever I hardly lose weight though I constantly do the excessive workout?

I don't know. All I want is the small number.

I blame the food for no reasons. Based on scientific data, yes there are some food that human shouldn't eat too much or shouldn't eat at all. I do neither. I eat normally like many other people. I'm not a maniac of certain foods, name it junk food, instant noodle, sweets etc.

I realized, it's not the food to be blamed for my weight. It's me who is ungrateful after swallowing the pleasure. 

I just wish a peaceful life again. A life when I don't take small size/portion of food.  A life when I don't have to stay awake at night just because I eat late snacks. A life which I don't have to worry what to wear. A life without calculating calories. A life in which I workout happily.

I just want food as my comfort. I don't want to blame it. Even after I finish swallowing it.

And it's time to begin, no more excuses to accept myself.